Superstars Donate Gaddafi Money to Avoid Looking Shallow

Last week, in a WikiLeaks article published in the New York Times exposed some of the monetary shenanigans (love that word) of the Qaddafi family, which include paying Mariah Carey $1million to sing at Seif-Al-Islam el-Qaddafi’s party in St. Barts and spending $1.8 million to establish a personal militia.

Since the publication of this article, it has come out that several pop-stars have been paid big-bucks to perform for the Gaddafi family over the years, including Usher, Nelly Furtado, and Beyonce´. To avoid looking like they will perform for anyone, no matter what the cost (see also: shallow, greedy, without morals, etc.), these stars are rushing to donate money to charities to excuse themselves for ever being patrons of the Gaddafi family. I find it fascinating when celebrities’ charitable behavior is motivated by publicist-induced guilt.

However, I can recall a time when I was once railed by a staunch, feminist lesbian for being a patron of strip-clubs, which I felt like was a completely acceptable way to spend my time and money. Unfortunately, I later fell victim to feminist-induced guilt over my debaucherous behavior and donated a few bucks (approximately $30) to the “Lapdances for My Kid’s Dance Classes Charity,” which is located at your local strip club. If you’d like to donate too, talk to any exotically-dressed female at a strip club named Veronica, Diamond, Tiffani, Destiny, Cherry, Lexus, or Cinnamon. This charity helps hard-working mothers raise money for their kid’s dance classes by providing lap dances. It’s about the kids people, after-all, the children are our future.

Melissa Gilbert and husband, Bruce Boxleitner split

Okay, I totally expect that some of you are saying, “Who?” or “Who the hell cares?”  Ahahaha, my friends, this is my first lesson in pop culture history.  In case you don’t know who Melissa Gilbert is (Bruce Boxleitner really isn’t that important here), let me bring you up to speed.  Melissa Gilbert was on a show called “Little House on the Prairie”, which in the late 70s was the non-equivalent of Modern Family since it wasn’t modern for the 70s (it took place in the post-Civil War period out West) and featured no gay characters (that were out, hint: Albert).  Watch the following clip to see Gilbert as Laura Ingles, also known as “Half Pint” to her Pa, Michael Landon.

Gotta love the mud fight…this scene would have a direct influence on TV cat-fights in years to come…

Melissa Gilbert was the break-out star of the show and for many years was a Hollywood darling.  Since then she has travelled the traditional route for actresses who were once a big deal in the 70s: actress in a series of Lifetime Movies (see also Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd, Jane Seymour, Kate Jackson, Stephanie Powers, and Valerie Bertinelli to name a few).  Sidenote, it’s interesting that all four, major Charlie’s Angels actresses went on to impressive careers in made-for-tv movies.  Could this be a curse?  I think so.  Minka Kelly, Kelly Brook, and Rachael Taylor, you’ve been warned (yep, Charlie’s Angels is being remade for TV; keep your eyes out for the pilot, possibly this summer).

Ok, back to my point regarding Melissa Gilbert…this is an interesting story to me because of two things.  1) This is another example of what was a seemingly rock-solid marriage that has lasted many years (Boxleitner and Gilbert met on LHOTP but got married in 1995) crumbling at our pop-obsessed feet.  Apparently, you can’t make your marriage last in Hollywood unless you are a Scientologist…but that’s because the idea of being picked up by the Lord Voltron’s spaceship earlier than anyone else because you’ve maintained your sacred, “drinking the funky Koolaid” vows, is pretty appealing.
2) The Main Reason: look at her face in that picture!  OMG, hellooooooo plastic surgery!  When I first saw this picture, I thought it was a hybrid of Melissa Rivers and Joan Rivers, but no!  It wasn’t a Rivers family member at all!  A few years ago, I worked a press tour for a really shitty movie called “Against the Ropes” starring Meg Ryan.  My job was to be Ms. Ryan’s gopher, her job was to be extremely difficult and bear a striking resemblance to Jack Nicholson as “The Joker” in Batman.  She had recently had a face lift and a large amount of Restalin injected in her lips.  In honor of the above photo, I now induct Melissa Gilbert into my very own “Your Plastic Surgery Mistakes Make You Look Like a Comic Book Villain” Hall of Fame!!

P.S. Am I the only person who realized upon looking at Bruce Boxleitner: “That’s probably what Bruce Jenner would look like today if he had also stayed out from unda da knife?”  Just sayin’.  Speaking of Bruce Jenner, if you could pick a comic book villain that he resembles most, who would it be?

Welcome!

I’m glad you’re here, whether your bored at work, sitting at an airport, in the bathroom, or wasting time on your couch, I hope this blog keeps you entertained for average attention span of adults: 13.4 seconds.

What you can expect to see here: my own musings on current pop culture happenings, flashbacks in pop culture, random trivia and facts, anything regarding food, and completely useless information in general.

Feel free to make topic suggestions or comments as feedback is very welcome…if it’s completely positive and strokes my ego.

P.S. if you can’t tell by the picture to the left, I effin’ love ice cream…and my birthday is this month…hint.  And if that hint isn’t obvious enough, please go to www.graeters.com.  I prefer Peanut Butter Chip and Buckeye Blitz.

k-thnx, Jenn (aka The Pop Pundit)